When are you gonna learn how to swim?
Swimming's for losers who can't afford boats.
[Blabbering]
Go away.
[Muffled blabbering]
No, I don't want to play.
[Blabbering]
I said I don't want to play.
[Panting]
There's leash laws, you know.
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com
A WEB-DL synchronization and correction by jasonnguyen2606
[Birds chirping]
What the?
[Panting]
Hey! No!
Stop it!
Bugs, control your Tasmanian Devil.
He's digging up the yard again.
I'm warning you, you get anymore dirt on me,
and there will be consequences.
Well, next time there will be consequences.
Maybe.
Probably not.
Hmm.
What's this line for?
A movie.
Movie, huh?
Must be good. Long line.
Next.
One ticket and a large popcorn.
Oh, and I'm a senior citizen.
And a student.
And active military.
So just go ahead and give me those discounts.
Excuse me?
What's this movie about anyway?
It's the Foghorn Leghorn story.
A rags to riches tale of a poor rooster
who grows up to become one of the world's greatest entrepreneurs.
Snooze fest.
We're making a movie.
This line is to audition for the role of Mr. Foghorn Leghorn.
This guy?
You're making a movie about this guy?
Pbblt! Ha!
Let me give you some advice, sister.
No one's gonna want to spend 2 hours looking at some ugly bird
with a red pompadour, 2 weird balls hanging from his chin,
and a big, fat gut.
Ugh!
Son, you better watch what you say.
Or you might just find yourself with the lead role.
Heh heh heh.
Mr. Leghorn, I think that would be a huge mistake.
A huge mistake is wearing that blouse with those shoes, Carol.
Son, I say, son,
is anybody ever told you you've got chutzpah?
Sounds vaguely familiar,
but I don't speak Spanish.
Sir, don't you remember?
He's the idiot who destroyed your company.
I only remember the positive, Carol.
That's why I'm a success.
I like you, son.
You speak your mind.
That's just what this movie needs.
Pbblt. I have a lot better things to do with my time
than to star in your stupid movie.
Like what?
Touché.
Ha ha ha!
You can all go home.
The role, I say the role, has been cast.
[Roosters grumbling]
But he's not even a rooster.
He's more of a rooster, I say he's more of a rooster
than you'll ever be.
[Door closes]
Don't you think it's a little weird
having a duck play a rooster?
It's called acting, son.
Don't you think it's a little weird
that I'm not an actor?
Ha ha ha!
That's a knee-slapper.
You're killing me.
[Snoring]
Good boy.
I don't know why Daffy's always complaining.
You don't dig up the yard.
Aah!
[Thud]
[Sighs]
I gotta gets me an electric clothes dryer.
Aah!
Uhh.
[Groaning]
Mehh, what's up, neighbor?
I'll tell you what's up. Your dumb dog.
He's not a dog, he's a Tasmanian Devil.
I don't care what breed he is.
When it digs up my yard, we got a problem.
Well, we've got another problem.
How will we get out of this hole?
Come here, boy!
[Blabbering]
Go get help.
[Blabbering]
[Snoring]
Like I said, dumb dog.
Oh, here we go.
What's this?
This is interesting.
It's mine!
[Grunting]
Uhh!
You don't even know what it is.
No.
[Horn blows]
No.
[Inhales]
No.
Nope.
[Panting]
It's a vase.
You mean my vase.
Why do you want it so badly?
You said it was interesting.
That's all I needed to hear.
Now, good day, sir.
Uh, little help?
[Grunts]
If I'm going to play Foghorn Leghorn
in "The Foghorn Leghorn Story,"
then I need to know all about Foghorn Leghorn.
Let's start with your name. What is it?
Foghorn Leghorn.
Fog...horn Leg...horn.
Ok, Foghorn,
tell me about yourself.
Well, I was born, I say I was born, in 19--
Hey, this isn't the DMV.
I don't care when and where you were born
or what your childhood was like
or where you went to school
or what experiences shaped your outlook on life.
If I'm gonna play you,
then I'm going to need more than just some dumb facts.
I need to know what's in here.
Hmm. My passion.
Ok, son. From my earliest days,
I remember being fascinated by a tale,
a tale of a King Baku and his beautiful Queen Yimyong.
Now, the Queen had a pet turtle that she loved more than anything.
But one day, I say one day, the King found the Queen in tears.
The turtle had died.
Well, King Baku couldn't bear to see Queen Yimyong cry,
so he sent 8 ships, I say 8 ships,
in 8 directions
with orders to find the most exquisite turtle in the world.
One that would never die.
Only one ship, I say one ship, returned.
And the Captain gave the King a Burmese turtle
made of pure gold.
And when the King gave the Burmese turtle to his Queen,
she burst, I say she burst, with joy.
Literally.
The King took the Burmese turtle and hid it
so that no one, I say no one,
would ever burst with joy again.
Well, I'm gonna tell you something, son.
When I heard that story, I vowed, I say I vowed,
to find that turtle.
And you know what?
I never did.
But I learned something worth more than the Burmese turtle.
It ain't the treasure, son, it's the quest.
And that's, I say that's, what's in here.
So basically, you say "I say, I say" a lot?
Got it. See you on the set.
I say, I say my name is Foghorn Leghorn
and I tell boring stories.
Hmm. That boy, I say that boy, gets me.
[Whistle blows on TV, door opens and closes]
You lied.
Excuse me?
You said this vase was interesting.
Well, I've been watching it for 2 hours
and it ain't done a thing.
It's not supposed to do anything.
Then what's interesting about it?
Well, it looks pretty old.
It could be valuable.
Valuable? That's all I needed to hear.
So long, sucker.
Ha ha!
[Door closes]
[Door opens]
Thanks.
[Door closes]
This, I say this, is the opening scene of the movie,
where I say good-bye to my wonderful mama forever.
She's gonna say her line,
and then you break down and cry like a baby.
Just like I did.
I say, I say action.
Son, I say, son,
remember what I always told you.
It's not the treasure, it's the quest.
[Wheezes]
Cry.
Your mama's gone.
[Fake sobbing] Man.
I'm crying so hard.
I say, I say, look at hard I cry.
Don't say it, son, do it.
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
[Laughing]
You're laughing?
I don't know, I'm grasping at straws here.
I mean, she's not giving me anything.
Can't somebody get me a real actress to work with?
You heard him. Somebody help that women out of that bed
so we can put a real actress in it.
"Somebody" means you, Carol.
One electric clothes dryer.
Will you be paying with cash or credit?
Vase.
[Door opens and closes]
Are you trying to make me look like a fool?
You don't need me to make you look like a fool.
You're dern right I don't.
This thing ain't a valuable.
I said it could be valuable.
You'd need an expert to know for sure.
That's all I needed to hear.
Now who's the fool, idiot?
Heh heh heh.
[Door opens and closes]
[Door opens]
You know any experts?
Now, son, in that box, I say in that box,
you believe is the Burmese turtle.
It's what you've wanted your whole life.
Now, after you say your line,
you will start running,
which will be my cue to press this button
'causing an elaborate chain reaction
which will destroy the entire set.
So we only have one shot at this.
Are you ready?
I was born ready.
Let's shoot this, you turkeys.
Action.
I say, I say, the Burmese turtle is mine.
Quick question. When's lunch?
Uhh.
[Lions roaring]
[Gasps]
Unbelievable.
- It's ridiculous. - I'm out of here.
I'm done.
You blew the entire stunt.
Way to go, turkey.
I'm a rooster!
Union guys.
Well, you win some, you lose some.
Gotta know when to hold 'em, when to fold 'em.
Four score and seven years. You know what I mean?
Are you quitting on me, son?
Everybody else quit, so I quit.
Mob mentality.
I guess I was wrong about you, son.
What's that supposed to mean?
Roosters are loyal. Roosters never quit.
Roosters, I say roosters, fight to the end.
And, son, you are no rooster.
Did you just call me a no rooster?
What are you gonna do about it, huh, son?
I say, what are you gonna do about it?
- [Whack] - Wah!
[Knuckles crunch]
Huh!
Huh! Uhh!
Aah!
Well, what's your expert opinion?
Ooh, unless my eyes deceive me,
it appears to be an authentic Satsuma vase.
Ooh!
What's a Satsuma vase?
It's an ornate ceramic vessel
from fourteenth century Japan.
Is it valuable?
Oh, I dare say.
Look at this finish, how expertly executed it is.
And the color. It's remarkably even.
Oh, and we mustn't forget the glaze.
Ooh, don't get me started on the glaze.
And the trim.
Lustrous texture.
The buff-tinged enamel.
Get to the point, you stupid squirrels.
- We're gophers. - Indeed.
What's the dern thing worth?
Well, given the variables of today's marketplace.
The scarcity of Satsuma ceramics.
And factoring in the current value of the yen.
I'd say your vase is worth approximately--
- Both: A million dollars. - Oh!
Now, which one of you lucky two found it?
- I-- - I did!
I was swimming laps in my pool
when my dumb dog dug a hole in my yard.
I saw the vase, picked it up,
and I very clearly stated, "This is interesting."
That's all I needed to hear.
- [Whack] - [Groaning]
[Crash]
No, it's quite all right. It's just a Tiffany lamp.
After all, things are replaceable.
[Crash]
Well, not that.
That was one of a kind.
[Gasps]
[Crash]
[Both gasp]
Aah! [Grunting]
Take that! Ow!
And that! And that!
[Both grunting]
Is that all you've got?
I'm still standing here.
They've broken nearly everything in the store.
Well, look on the bright side,
soon they'll be nothing left to break.
[Both laugh]
[Glass break]
- Daffy? - Bugs?
- Huuhh! - Mother.
Well, look who finally learned to cry.
Boh!
Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!
Uhh! Uhh! Uhh.
[Panting]
Heh heh heh.
Ow!
I say ow!
[Chomping]
Ooh!
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
[Glass break]
Oh, you were.
[Both laugh]
[Plates shattering]
That is so much fun as smashing.
Oh, I made a joke.
[Both laugh]
[Panting]
I think you might be a rooster after all, son.
That's all I ever wanted to be.
[Grunts]
[Panting]
Oh! Ahh.
[Slow motion] No!
[Vase break]
[Gasps] The Burmese turtle!
We found it.
It's beautiful.
I say, it's beautiful.
It's mine!
Oh, I'm so happy.
I've never been filled with so much joy.
I feel like I'm about to--
[Boom]
That was interesting.
It's beautiful.
I say, I say it's beautiful.
[Door open]
It's mine!
I gots me so much joy I'm a-gonna burst with joy.
[Horn blows]
Well, it ain't the--
Well, it ain't the treasure, it's the quest.
That's the lesson of this movie.
I say, I say!
[Knock]
[Applause]
Bravo, bravo!
Oh, I demand a sequel.
I don't get it.
Shut up and clap.
[Snoring]
[Mumbling]
Looks like we only sold 6 tickets.
6 tickets we wouldn't have sold if we hadn't have made that movie.
I call it my proudest achievement
Well, if we're being honest, I didn't pay for mine.
Heh heh heh.
That, boy, is one of a kind.
[Wind howling]
[Fly buzzing]
[Rattling]
Gah.
Ahh!
[Coughs]
[Thud]
[Fly buzzing]
Beep beep.
It's just about appreciating the journey.
It's about valuing experiences over things.
What don't you get?
Well, for starters,
why is a duck playing a rooster?
And then the same duck plays me?
That don't make no sense.
And am I the only one that found all that fighting gratuitous?
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com
A WEB-DL synchronization and correction by jasonnguyen2606
- All right, I'll do it.
- Do what?
- I'm hosting a bachelor auction for charity
and they asked to Bugs to be on it.
- What am I?
Invisible?
I'm the most eligible bachelor here.
What's the charity?
- The literacy.
- That's my favorite charity.
There's too much literacy in the world!
We need to fight against literacy!
- Uh, Daffy, the fight is for literacy.
- What?!
Who's for literacy?
Our highways and bywaysare covered in litter.
I for one think it should be a crime.
- Littering is a crime.
You went to jail for it.
Literacy is the ability to read and write.
- Oh! Then count me in.
O-N.
IN.
[Slurping]
Ahh!
Sync and correction by Mlmlte and jasonnguyen2606 www.addic7ed.com
A WED-DL synchronization and correction by jasonnguyen2606
Season 1 Episode 9 "Eligible Bachelors"
Original air date: July 5, 2011 on Cartoon Network
- $200!
- Sold for $200.
[Shrieks]
- The next bachelor, Bugs Bunny.
[Applause]
$900!
I want him!
- 1,500!
- 2,000!
- 3,000!
- You better back off.
5,000!
Oh, that's it!
[Shrieks]
- [Stammerning] Now, ladies, take it easy.
- $100,000!
[All gasp]
- Bun bun,
I'm back!
- Lola?
- Sold!
- I'm back in your life!
At least for one date,
and he can't say no because it's for a good cause.
Littering!
- Our next bachelor is Daffy Duck.
- Let's keep this money train rollin', ladies.
- Daffy has no job,
and no education.
And a credit score of negative 13.
Let's start the bidding at $50.
- [Man coughing]
- Anyone?
It's for charity.
Tax deductible.
- Gross.
- Well, we tried.
Our next bachelor--
- Two bits!
- Sold!
[Chuckling]
- Oh, my bachelor.
- Knock off the pleasantries, grandma.
Let's get this date over with.
So what's the plan?
Dinner, movie,
moonlight stroll on the beach?
- I thought we'd clean out my attic.
- Clean your attic?
What's romantic about that?
- I'm a 90 year old woman.
[Crash]
- Get your mind out of the gutter.
[Crash]
- You're sure you don't want to start with the living room?
- [Knock on door]
- Coming.
- [Banging on door]
- I said I'm coming!
[Doorbell ringing, knocking continues]
- Oh, brother.
- [Siren]
- Oh, you're home!
- Yes, Lola.
I'm home.
- But not for long,
'cause we are going to Paris, France!
- What?! - For our date!
We're going to Paris.
You know, The City of Lovers.
- No, no, no, no, no.
That's not a date.
A date is dinner at a restaurant.
- So we'll have dinner at a restaurant in Paris.
- Lola, I'm not leaving the country.
- Oh, yes, you are.
It clearly states in article five,
section three of the bachelor auction bylaws, that the bidder,
that's me.
Will decide where and what constitutes the date while the bidee,
that's you. Must escort the bidder
Again, that's me.
On said date for up to but not exceeding 24 hours.
Again, the bidee
is you,
and I'm the bidder
and these are the bylaws.
This is a megaphone.
[Ding]
[Indistinct chatter]
- Oh, I'm so bored.
I read all my magazines,
I did the crossword.
I ate all my peanuts.
I ate all your peanuts.
I peed four times.
Oh, I feel like I've been on this plane forever.
- [Ding] - Flight attendants,
please prepare the cabin for takeoff.
- How long is this flight again?
- 10 hours.
10 hours there,
and 10 hours back.
That's 20 of your 24 hours.
- Mmmm, someone's good at math.
[Chuckles]
That's what I love about you.
That your smile.
Oh, when you frown.
And that in between
smile and frown face.
And your profile.
Oh, and the back of your head.
Oh, look at your ears.
- What are those?
- Noise canceling headphones.
- You don't happen to have another pair, do you?
- Well, this is my attic.
- Great day in the morning!
How much junk can a person hoard?
- Oh, if it's broken, throw it away.
Otherwise, just organize and clean as you go.
I'll go get us some tea.
Here we are.
- Oh, thank goodness,
I'm melting.
Are you kidding me?
It's a thousand degrees up here!
Ever heard of iced tea?
- Ice will chip tea.
Oh, I haven't seen these in ages.
- Hubba hubba!
How about you set me up on a date with your granddaughter, huh?
That's me.
During the war,
I was a WAAC.
- Hate to break it to you, but you're still a whack.
[Blowing]
- Oh, no, silly.
The Women's Auxilury Army Corp.
- You were in the army?
- Yes.
I was a spy.
[Spits]
It was the final days of World War II.
[Helicopter flying]
- Germany still had control of Paris.
I was told to meet my contact at the louvre
in front of the "Mona Lisa".
- Hold on.
What's a contact,
what's the louvre,
and what's the "Mona Lisa"?
- Just listen.
[Helicopter flying]
- From now on, all exchanges are to be delivered
by carrier pigeon from The Eiffel Tower.
- Carrier pigeon?
I hate birds.
- I was never here.
Hurry, you fools!
The Americans will be here soon.
But we will no longer control Paris,
but we're not leaving here empty-handed.
We're going to steal all of their art.
[Laughter]
[Slaping]
- Get to work!
[Camera shutter clicking]
- A spy!
Get her!
- Did they catch you?
Did they kill you?!
They killed you, didn't they?!
What?!
It's a legitimate question.
- Now, where was I?
- A spy!
Get her!
[All yelling]
[Birds chirping]
- Oh, my goodness.
Oh, I'm so excited!
It's the louvre!
I love the louvre.
Oh, I am a louvre lover!
You can't help but fall in love when you're at the louvre.
Surrounded by
so many beautiful things.
Beautiful, expensive things.
The louvre is the most incredible place in the world.
The louvre is an art museum?
I thought it was a mall.
Oh, well.
[Chuckles]
When in Rome!
[Gasps]
Wait a second.
We're not in Rome.
We should go to Rome!
- Or we could just Rome around here.
- They have great malls in Rome.
The Mall of America's in Rome.
Oh, no, wait, that's in Canada. [Gasps] We should go to Canada!
[Whoosh]
- I had lost the Germans.
Or so I had thought.
[Gunfires]
[All yelling]
[Blows whistle]
- You don't look like a carrier pigeon.
- There's a shortage of pigeons.
They're using any birds they can get their hands on.
Go.
I said go!
[Plop]
Good luck.
- Take this film to the Allied Forces.
[Doors open]
- Go!
- [Kicking] - [All grunting]
- Huh!
Whoa!
Oh! Oh!
- Did you fall?!
Did you fall to your death?
You fell to your death!
- Oh, it's time for my nap.
I'll continue my story when I wake up.
- Oh, yeah, she fell to her death.
- Stonehenge.
One of the oldest structures in the world.
- Lola-- - Was it the druids who built it,
or aliens, hmm?
The world will never know.
- It's The Eiffel Tower.
- The world will never know.
[Watch beeps]
- Oh, my gosh, hurry!
We only have two more hours left in Paris and we haven't fallen in love yet!
Wait, have you fallen in love yet?
OK, well, quit staring at Stonehenge and let's see the rest of the city!
[Whoosh]
[Snoring]
[Door creaking]
[Snoring continues]
- Wake up! - Aah!
[Whack]
You know, that's a good way to kill an old person.
- I can't stand the suspense!
What happened at The Eiffel Tower?!
- Eiffel Tower?
Oh.
Oh, yes.
I was holding on for dear life.
- I am not leaving Paris without France's finest piece of art,
The Eiffel Tower.
[All screaming]
- Help! Aaah!
- No one can save you now!
- I can!
[Whoosh]
[Screaming]
- Oh!
You saved my life.
He's getting away!
We need to stop him.
[Birds chirping]
- Wow.
The White House.
- Lola-- - I thought it would be more white.
And a little more house-looking.
Oh, our poor president.
Has to commute 10 hours to work every morning
and then do a bunch of politics all day
and then get right back on that plane
and fly another 10 hours just to do it all over again the next day?
That man deserves our support. - Lola!
- ♪ Oh, say does that Star Spangled
banner yet wave ♪
- Lola, stop!
You need to stop talking.
We're in one of the most beautiful city in the world.
Let's take a deep breath,
look around,
and just take it all in.
- That's a great--
- With no talking.
[Whistling]
[French music playing]
[Kiss]
- Yeah, no, that whole thing would have been a lot more better with talking.
- Ohh! - [Thud]
[Gasps]
[Gunfires]
- Get her!
Idiot!
I'll do it myself!
[Screams]
[Groans]
- A little closer.
Now!
[Grunting]
[Plane gunfire]
- [Speaking German]
You!
- Land this blimp, Frankenheimer.
- I don't take orders from a woman!
- I'm not just a woman.
I'm a WAAC!
- Aah!
[Grunting]
- Aah! - Oh!
This art does not belong to you!
- It will soon,
when we cross the German border.
[Both grunting]
- And who are you?
- Your worst nightmare!
[Grunting]
[Groaning]
[Grunting]
[Screaming]
- You're not much of a carrier pigeon,
but you're one heck of a Tweety Bird.
Now, let's turn this blimp around.
- Did the blimp explode?
Did it explode into a million pieces?
It exploded and killed you, didn't it?
- You're not very bright, are you?
- Huh?
- We arrive back in Paris to an incredible reception.
The rest of the art was returned to the louvre.
The allies liberated France.
Colonel Frankenheimer was sent to prison.
And I was rewarded with a very special gift.
- A gift?
What was it?
You think I would have noticed that before.
Then what's the one they got in France?
- It's a fake.
- Wow!
- Oh, hey, we never finished cleaning your attic.
- Well, truth be told,
I didn't bid on you just to clean my attic.
It's also nice to have someone to talk to.
- Any time.
That was a fun date.
Aren't you going to walk me home?
Ah, just kiddin'.
[Laughs]
[Door open and close]
- Hey.
- Huh?
Beep Beep! [Whoosh]
[Computer beeping]
[Cash register dings]
[Case drop and open]
[Wind blowing]
[Wheezing]
[Exhale]
Beep Beep! [Whoosh]
Beep Beep! [Whooshing]
[Thud]
Beep Beep! [Whooshing]
[Thud]
Meep meep! [Whooshing]
Meep meep! [Whoosh]
[Thud]
[Eyes blink]
- So now let me get this straight.
You fought in World War II.
- Yep.
- How old are you?
- I'll never tell.
- Well, can you at least tell me if you're a boy or a girl?
[Whispering]
- Huh. I was wrong.
A WED-DL synchronization and correction by jasonnguyen2606
[WB shield open] - Th-th-th-that's all folks
Should I buy a new TV?
Or should I buy one of those massage chairs?
- Hmph! Tough life.
- What are you wearing? - Mall pants.
- What kind of pants?
- Mall pants.
Pants you wear at the mall, as a sign of respect.
- So why aren't you wearing a shirt?
- Too much respect. It's the mall, not church.
Also, I can't afford a shirt.
- I suppose I could buy the TV
and just go somewhere for a massage.
- Whoa. Uh-oh. My mall pants!
- You know what? I'm just going to buy both.
[Grunts]
No mall underwear, huh?
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com
A WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
- Keep the change.
Mehh, what's up, doc?
- Oh, uh. Just granting people's wishes.
- Daffy, you can't steal coins from the fountain.
- Well, then, where do you suggest I steal them from?
- I suggest if you need money, you get a job.
They're hiring at the ice cream shop.
[Coin toss]
[Whoosh, splash]
[Ding]
- Give me a job application.
Name? Address? Gender?
What is this? Soviet Russia?
Yeah, I don't want to work here anyway,
not in that stupid uniform.
I'll take a banana split.
Unh. One scoop vanilla, one scoop chocolate, one scoop strawberry.
Unh. Put the strawberry in the middle.
And now, hot fudge. Unh!
Only on the vanilla and chocolate,
put regular fudge on the strawberry.
Now, some whipped cream.
Hey, hey, hey! Easy. Little more.
Now, some nuts.
Unh. No nut dust.
Now, this is the complicated part.
No green sprinkles on the chocolate.
Yes green sprinkles on the strawberry.
But both no red sprinkles, except on the vanilla,
which should receive exclusively red sprinkles.
- That'll be $5.85.
- I've only got 16 cents.
[Coin drop]
Get the rest from your tip jar.
[Splash]
Where do you get all your money?
- I invented the carrot peeler.
- You invented the carrot peeler?
- Daffy, I've told you a million times.
- Where do you get all your money?
- I invented the carrot peeler!
- Where do you get all your money?
- I invented the carrot peeler.
- Where do you get all your money?
- I invented the carrot peeler.
- [Snare drum] - [Gunshot]
- So let me get this straight.
You invented the carrot peeler,
and now you have enough money to buy whatever you want, whenever you want.
Inventing something is the perfect get-rich-quick scheme.
- It's not a scheme.
Invention is 1% inspiration
and 99% perspiration.
- Well, I'm not big on sweating,
so I'm just going to cut to the chase on this one.
[Door open and close]
- [Electrical buzzing] - [Distant dog barking]
- How's it coming in there?
- I did it.
I invented something so spectacular
that every man, woman, and child will wonder
how they ever survived without it.
You know when you want bread,
but you don't want the whole loaf?
I call it...
Daffy Duck's equally sized bread pieces.
- The rest of the world calls it sliced bread.
[Garage door closing]
[Garage door opening]
- Ok.
You know after you've gone to the bathroom,
you sometimes wish you had something to help you.
You know, clean up.
Like a flushable paper product of some sort?
- [Plate cover open] - [Eyes blink]
- Daffy, are you telling me that you don't use toilet paper?
[Plate cover close]
[Garage door closing]
- Mine was going to be called butt paper!
- Once again, it pays to have invented the carrot peeler.
[Garage door opening]
[Distant dog braking] [Birds chirping]
- Ahem.
- Oh, sorry.
- They say history repeats itself.
Well, wouldn't it be amazing
if you could visit the past
and see what really happened for yourself?
Of course, to do this, there would need to be a device,
a portal in which your molecular structure was broken down
and then reassembled in the exact same manner.
- You invented a time machine?
- No. But if there was such a thing,
and you used it a lot,
you'd probably need...
A big box with a handle on it to carry your stuff.
- A suitcase.
- Everything's been invented.
[Door open]
[Door close]
Inventing something is impossible. How did you do it?
- Well, first, you have to be passionate about something.
- Next.
- I happen to be passionate about carrots.
I put all my ideas into this notebook,
and one of them turned into a little thing called the carrot peeler.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a check to deposit.
[Door opens and shuts]
- Let's see what else he's got in here.
[Gasps] An automatic carrot peeler?
That's the most brilliant idea Bugs ever had.
[Paper tear]
I mean, that's the most brilliant idea I ever had.
[Laughs]
- What's so funny?
[Quiet chuckling]
- You know, I invented that.
Ooh, I better get home. They're delivering my massage chair.
- Hey! Get your automatic carrot peeler.
Excuse me, darling.
May I interest you in an automatic carrot peeler?
- I already have a carrot peeler. It works great.
- Aha. But with my machine,
you could peel carrots at super speed,
leaving more time for you and your beautiful daughter.
- He's a boy. - Yes, of course,
a strapping, masculine boy.
You know, my machine peels hundreds of carrots in mere seconds.
- Who wants hundreds of carrots? I'm not a rabbit.
- Your son looks like a girl!
- Is that what I think it is?
Did you steal my plans for the automatic carrot peeler?
- [Chuckles] Let me explain.
I was young. I needed the money.
It's the worst recession since the great depression.
Besides, you weren't using it.
- That's because it's a dumb invention.
No one but me eats enough carrots to justify the cost of this thing.
[Chuckles] You should have gone with butt paper.
- He's right. No one eats carrots.
- Everyone is eating carrots.
A new study came out today touting their extraordinary health benefits.
- Oh, the automatic carrot peeler is flying off the shelves.
I'm not even going to carry the old peeler anymore.
- You heard it here, folks.
Time to toss that old carrot peeler
and get the automatic carrot peeler.
- That doesn't sound like it's going to be good for my checking account.
[Massage chair shaking]
[Distant dog barking]
[Sighs]
- Um, do you have any carrot peelers?
- As a matter of fact, I do.
[Whoosh forward and backward]
- Ohh. No one uses those anymore.
I meant an automatic carrot peeler.
- How much for the massage chair?
- [Sighs] $100.
- Is it broken? - No.
- Is it stolen? - I just bought it.
- Why are you selling it? - Because I'm broke.
Oh, that's mighty sad.
I'll give you $1.00.
[Sighs]
- Aren't you going to take it with you?
- Nah. Leave it in your yard.
I likes my massages in the great outdoors.
[Distant dog barking]
- Oh! [Laughs]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
[Laughing]
Hoo! Hoo! I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm rich!
- Daffy! - I'm--
Oh. Uh, hey. What's up?
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Of course.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Ooh! Ha ha!
- Daffy, I have to sell the house.
- Is this because no one's buying your carrot peeler
because everyone's buying my carrot peeler?
A carrot peeler that I stole out of your invention notebook?
Because if it is, I feel like some of this could be my fault.
- It is your fault.
- Then let me make it up to you. - How?
- I'll buy your house. - What?
- You were there for me when I had nothing.
You took me in and put a roofover my head.
I'm going to do the same thing for you.
That's what friends are for.
Nothing will change.
Things will remain quid pro quo.
- You mean status quo.
- Ahem. As long as you live under my roof,
you don't tell me what I mean.
- I thought you said nothing would change.
- Under my roof, you'll watch your tone.
- I didn't have a tone.
- Unh! My roof.
Excellent work, Giuseppe.
[Door open and close]
How's work at the ice cream shop?
- It was fine until some jerk came in
and ordered the world's most complicated banana split.
- Hey, I like what I like.
Huh. Oops. Back on the ladder, Giuseppe. You missed a spot.
Ah-ah-ah. Not on the chair. It's calfskin.
Uh-uh. That's ivory.
- Well, where am I supposed to put it?
- Why don't you put it back on and make us dinner,
and try not ruining it, like you did breakfast?
I'm sorry you had to see that, Giuseppe,
and you wouldn't have if you'd have been working.
- [Gasps] A check!
For Daffy.
- Son, you can't live like this.
- What do you mean?
- Guy like you wasn't meant to wear an apron and take orders.
- Well, it doesn't look like I have many options.
- While I look like I got a lot of options?
I'm not smart, I'm not good-looking,
and I'm about 19 inches tall.
But no one tells me what to do.
I am the king of my castle.
Castle's a figure of speech, son.
But if it's yours and yours alone,
it don't matter if it's the Taj Mahal
or a hole in the ground.
- A hole in the ground, huh? What are you doing?
- Massage oil. For the massage chair.
[Massage chair turn on and shaking]
[Grunts]
- My old hole in the ground.
How did I used to get into this thing?
Didn't I have a ladder or something?
Maybe it's not a long drop.
[Grunts and screams]
[Thud]
- ♪ Been thinkin' for a while and there's something I got to tell you ♪
- Ehh, I'm kind of busy.
♪ Been thinkin' that our love for each other has grown so very strong ♪
- Love? Wait--
- ♪ It's plain to see we're building our words together ♪
- Uh, back up for a minute.
- ♪ I'm lookin' in your eyes right now and I can tell you feel the same ♪
- You're choking me!
- ♪ We are in love ♪
- ♪ I am so in love today ♪
- ♪ We are in love ♪
- ♪ I think I'm gonna run away ♪
- ♪ We are in love ♪
- ♪ Did you tap my phone lines? ♪
- ♪ We are in love ♪
- ♪ Yes, I tapped your phone lines ♪
- ♪ I won't lie, you're a very pretty lady ♪
- Thank you!
- ♪ But you're crazy, crazy, crazy. You make me want to move to Bolivia ♪
- Oh, I'll go with you!
- ♪ You know, I'm thinking I should get a restraining order ♪
- Those are so hard to enforce.
- ♪ 'Cause your car was parked outside my house every night this week ♪
- Your neighbors are sweet.
- ♪ You're the reason that I have to keep my shades drawn ♪
- I'll watch you through the chimney.
- ♪ I've installed an alarm system with motion beam detectors ♪
- I have the code.
- ♪ We are in love ♪
- ♪ Give me just 5 minutes ♪
- ♪ We are in love ♪
- ♪ I think that was 5 minutes ♪
- ♪ We are in love ♪
- ♪ Did you just move in with me? ♪
- ♪ We are in love ♪
- ♪ Yes, I just moved in with you ♪
- ♪ We are in love ♪
- ♪ No, we're not ♪
- That was our first love song!
- Ugh.
[Lamp turn on]
- My old rabbit hole.
A little dustier than I remember.
[Coughing]
OK. A lot dustier.
But at least I'm king of my castle.
This is going to be great.
I don't need to sell a million carrot peelers.
I have everything I need right here.
I've got a chair, I've got a lamp.
I've got a chair and a lamp.
That's all anyone needs. I love the forest.
[Thunder]
[Rain dripping]
Uh-oh.
- Sale? Where's the expensive soups?
Ooh. Mine-strone.
Sounds fancy.
[Can soups dropping]
What are you doing with those automatic carrot peelers?
- Taking them off the shelves.
They're all being recalled.
- What? Why?
- Apparently, they're highly flammable and extremely dangerous.
- That's impossible. I should know. I'm the inventor.
- You invented these things?
I'm going to sue you for everything you've got.
Hey, everybody! This jerk's responsible for the automatic carrot peeler!
- [All shouting at once] - [Gasps]
[Grunts]
[Indistinct shouting continues]
- I hate the forest!
- Aah!
- Bugs! - Daffy?
- I know I've been a terrible friend, but I need your help!
There's a problem with the automatic carrot peeler!
Apparently, it's highly flammable!
- That's impossible! Step 7 of my design included a cooling system!
- Step 7? I knew I shouldn't have stopped at step 3!
I just got so sleepy!
Anyway, everyone wants their money back,
but I spent all the money,
and now, they're going to take your house!
- You mean your house!
- I give it back! Just please, come home and fix everything!
- I don't know. I kind of like it here.
- Please! I'm begging you, please!
- [Muffled grunt]
- I'll take that as a yes.
- [Gasps]
- [Thunder] - [Beeping]
- You have to do something!
They're going to level the house!
- I'll be right back.
- There isn't time!
[Garage door closing]
- [Beeping] - [Engines rev]
- Take 'em down, boys.
- Bugs! Hurry!
[Garage door opening]
- What is it?
- A time machine.
- [Gasps] I'll go get my suitcase!
[Whoosh]
[Beeps]
- Wait!
- [Screams]
- No green sprinkles on the chocolate.
Yes green sprinkles on the strawberry.
But both no red sprinkles, except on the vanilla,
which should receive exclusively red sprinkles.
- That'll be $5.85.
- I've only got 16 cents.
[Coins drop]
- Get the rest from your tip jar.
[Whirs and beeps]
- It's on me.
- Where do you get all your money?
- Don't worry about it.
- Can I borrow $50?
I need a new pair of mall pants.
[Whooshing forward and backward]
[Clanking and whirring]
[Beeping]
[Rapid beeping]
[Buzzes and whirs]
[Thud]
[Electric crackling]
[Whirring]
[Beeping]
[Blow raspberry and whoosh]
Beep Beep!
[Blow raspberry and whoosh]
[Beeps]
[Boom]
[Whirs and clanks]
[Thud]
[Whirring]
[Clanking]
[Beeping]
[Crash]
[Thud]
[Indistinct grunting]
[Whirring]
- My fellow neanderthals,
I come from the future to bring you
the key to modern civilization.
Butt paper!
[All grunting]
- [Screams]
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com
A WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
[Beep]
[Ding]
[Ding ding ding]
[Dinging]
Can I help you?
Daffy Duck, picking up my business cards.
How's the wizard business going?
- Great. Lots of magic, spells, things like that. - [Computer beeping]
That'll be 215.25.
That seems awfully high.
Price reduce, reduce!
[Grunting]
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com.
A WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
[Crickets chirping] Season 1 Episode 12 "Double Dates".
Original air date: July 19, 2011 on Cartoon Network USA.
Oh, don't forget to leave a business card in the bowl.
You could win a romantic evening for two.
[Giggles]
Right this way.
- We'd like a table for two. - Great.
I'd like a pair of solid gold pants, but I'm not bugging you about it.
[Birds chirping]
[Telephone rings]
[Ring]
- [Ring] - Phone!
- Kinda got my hands full. - So do I.
BUGS: Whoa!
[Ring]
Ooh! Ahh!
[Ring]
I guess I have to do everything around here.
[Beep]
- Go. - [indistinct]
This is Daffy Duck.
What?! I won! A romantic evening for two?!
Seven course meal?! Dancing?!
[Chuckles]
A limousine?! I can't believe my luck!
[Gasps] How's the wizard business?
Great! Lots of magic, spells, you know, things like that.
See ya Friday night. What are you doing Friday night?
- Nothing. - Well, you are now.
Friday night, we're gonna get dressed to the nines...
...get picked up in a limo, and have a fabulous romantic dinner.
Daffy, what you just described is a date.
I'm not going on a date with you.
Oh, you're right. I didn't think of it that way.
[Dialing]
Hey, Porky. Wanna go on a romantic date Friday night?
[Stammering] I'd love to!
No, you idiot! Ask a woman!
PORKY [OVER PHONE]: I'm so excited. I'm so glad you called.
[Beep]
Ask a woman? But I have horrible luck with women!
[Music playing]
Hmm. The lobster looks good.
We'll split a salad, and keep the bread coming.
Do you think I'm pretty?
No woman should be judged on her looks.
But if I had to, I'd say you're about a 41/2.
I'm having a really nice time.
You have a little something on your face.
Ooh, wait. That's a part of your face.
I just can't figure women out.
Well, maybe you need to talk to one and get a woman's perspective.
That's a great idea!
- How about your girlfriend Lola? - Lola is not my girlfriend.
- And she's crazy. - All women are crazy.
Call her for me. Hook it up.
No. I don't wanna call her.
- Come on, hook it up. - I'm not hooking it up.
- And who says hook it up? - I do.
I say hook it up. Hook it up.
Please. It's one quick phone call. I'm begging you.
Hook it up.
[Dialing]
[Cell phone rings]
[Beep]
- Hi, Bugs. - How'd you know it was me?
Oh, I answer every call like this.
Just in case it's you.
[OVER PHONE]: Sorry!
No, it's OK. It's just a weird way to answer the...
No, no, I wasn't talking to you. I almost hit an oil truck.
Oh. Well, maybe I'll call you at a better time.
This is a better time. This is a perfect time. Heh.
Are you kidding? This is a perfect, better time. Whoa! Go on.
Well, my friend Daffy needs some dating advice...
...and I thought maybe you could talk to him.
LOLA [OVER PHONE]: Are you serious?! - Well, if you'd grather not...
No, not you. I'm sorry, I almost hit another oil truck. Driving is hard.
- So you want me to help Daffy? - Yes.
- Would that be a nice thing for me to do? - Yes.
- And you like nice people? - Yes.
- So if I help Daffy, you'll like me? - Uh, I guess.
- Then I'll do it! - Great, thanks.
LOLA [OVER PHONE]: Uh-oh.
What? You won't do it?
LOLA [OVER PHONE]: No, that time I did hit an oil truck.
I have to go. Bye!
[Explosion over phone]
Before you can have a successful date, you need to understand women.
So I've written you a script filled with things that every woman will wanna hear on a date.
If you say these things, I guarantee that any woman...
...will immediately fall in love with you.
- Really? - Just say those words.
"You are a beautiful, beautiful woman.
You are the epitome of grace, style and femininity. You're my best friend."
- This stuff is pretty good. - Told you!
"You're my best friend. In fact, you're the only friend I need.
Here's a good idea...
Let's get rid of all of our other friends and only be friends with each other.
Also, we should cut off family members that don't support our relationship.
Also, we should have jobs where we work together.
Because if there's one thing I know, it's that if we drop all of our friends...
...cut off our families and work together, we are guaranteed to have a perfect relationship."
This really works on women?
- Are you OK? - I'm fine.
I just, I never noticed how handsome you were.
- Oh, thanks. - You have a really big beak.
Thank you very much.
So... Have you given any thought...
...of who you want to invite on your romantic date?
- I have, actually. - Anyone I know?
Could be. You know that girl Tina from the Copy Place?
Her beak's even bigger than mine.
- Well, thanks for the help. - Call me sometime!
[Laughs]
Good one! [Laughs]
[Horns honking]
[Clearing throat]
Yeah?
Hi. Uh, I'm not sure if you remember me...
You're the wizard, right?
- You do remember me! - How could I forget?
Your check bounced.
What?! I'm gonna have to have a serious talk with my financial advisor.
This should take care of it.
So, uh, Tina. I was wondering if, by any chance you're not doing anything tonight...
...which you probably are because you're not ugly but if for some reason, you're not...
...would you maybe, possibly, no pressure if you can't....
just wondering, you know, would you like to go out with me?
Maybe.
Yeah, love to.
Well, you can't blame a guy for trying.
I said I'd love to go out with you.
- Really? - Yeah! It will be fun.
Great! I'll pick you up at 8:00!
Don't use that money. You'll get arrested.
Gotta smell nice for my date. Maybe another little dab.
Safety dab.
LOLA: Hello, Daffy.
[Gasp]
Lola! What are you doing here?
- Did you ask that girl out? - Yeah, I did.
So you're gonna go out with her? What do you know about this girl?
She could be trouble. She could be dangerous. You know that?
Not every girl stable as me.
- No, Tina's great. - Her name's Tina?
That's not even a real name. It's a made up name like Ballswick or Kathlarg.
I think Tina's a real name.
Oh, she has you so duped.
I think you should leave.
Fine. But you are making a huge mistake.
Tina's crazy! She's a crazy person.
She's a crazy, fake-named person who's probably a stalker!
[Gasps]
I'm just gonna leave this ladder here for later.
I can't lose him. I've got to stop that date.
And I know just how I'm going to do it. Is it weird to talk to myself?
No, it's not weird. Do you think I need a haircut?
I don't know. You could grow out your bangs.
Ooh, that's a good idea.
- Hey, Lola. - Oh, hi, Bugs.
- How'd your talk with Daffy go? - Great!
Really great. Super great. It could not have been greater.
Wow! Well, thanks again for doing that. I'll make it up to you sometimes.
How about tonight? Dinner?
Oh, uh, I don't know.
- You gotta eat. - Ehh...
C'mon, one dinner? No big deal. Nothing fancy.
OK.
Great. I know just the restaurant.
Very casual. Very laid back.
This is casual and laid back?
- Who said anything about casual and laid back? - Uh, you did.
Oh-oh! Right.
I meant to say fancy and uptight. Sometimes I get my words mixed up.
Like I'll say "bubbles" when I really mean "pick-up truck"
or "jelly" when I really mean, um, like a boat.
- [Door open] - [Gasp]
[Laughing]
[Both laughing]
What was that for?
Sometimes I kiss people when I really mean to walk to my table.
- Oh, Mac? - Yes, chum?
Could you please pass me the cream for my cup of tea?
- I would be delighted. - Well, thank you!
Not at all. Thank you for your thank you.
- Oh, well, you're welcome for my thank you. - Well, thank you again.
[Laughter]
♪ Be polite, always be nice ♪
♪ Make sugar your favorite spice ♪
♪ My aunt sent me a birthday card ♪
♪ I was so completely charmed ♪
♪ I seized the chance, I could not pass it ♪
♪ I sent her a muffin basket ♪
♪ I was at the bank today, the teller sent a smile my way ♪
♪ She did it with such great panache ♪
♪ I gave the teller all my cash ♪
♪ Be polite, always be nice ♪
♪ Make sure your favorite spice ♪
♪ When helping grammy cross the street ♪
♪ Take the time to massage her feet ♪
Be, B-E, P-O-L-I-T-E.
Say please and thank you.
When you hear a sneeze, say bless you.
Open doors and pull out chairs.
Don't push people down the stairs.
♪ We were dining Thursday night ♪
♪ The waiter set our plates just right ♪
♪ We were so very impressed, we knitted him a sweater vest ♪
♪ When our car ran out of gas, the tow truck driver got there fast ♪
♪ He filled our tank with no delay ♪
♪ We took him to a Broadway play ♪
♪ Be polite, always be nice ♪
♪ Make sugar your favorite spice ♪
♪ If someone shoots you with a laser beam ♪
♪ Remember that it would be rude to scream ♪
Be polite. Or I'll vaporize you.
Nice place.
Yeah, uh-huh, can you just schooch a little bit that way?
Thanks, yeah. I just like to be able to see all the exists in case of an emergency.
[Chair scraping]
Hmm. Aged beef. Where did they get that from?
A retirement community for cows? Heh heh!
Uh, Lola?
Huh? Oh, yeah. Oh, I totally agree.
With whatever you just said.
[Tina clicks tongue]
Check it out, cloth napkins! Nice, right?
"You are a beautiful, beautiful woman.
You are the epitome of grace, style and femininity.
- You're my best friend." - I'm your best friend?
- We just met. - Oh, uh, hold on.
"When I'm with you, every day is Valentine's day.
Except for the real Valentine's day, which we will now call super Valentine's day."
- Are you reading something? - No, I mean...
"What all women wanna hear"? What woman wants to hear stuff like this?
BUGS: Lola...
- Lola. - Hmm?
I was just asking if you wanna split an appetizer.
Oh, yeah, sure. Whatever you want, Daffy.
- It's Bugs. - Huh?
- I'm Bugs. -So what do you want, a medal?
You're a grown-up. You don't need a script.
Let's just get to know each other. Tell me about yourself.
Ok. Uh, well. What do you want to know?
I'm rich, very rich. But a do-gooder.
I help poor people. Orphans. Whales.
You know, that's...
Look, if you're not gonna tell me about yourself, let me take a shot.
You're an insecure little weirdo who lies about everything...
...and probably cries himself to sleep every night.
Wow, you're good. Well, I guess this date's over.
Hey! Get back here. Relax. It's not over.
But you said all those horrible, true things about me!
You're like an abandoned building that ought to be condemned.
You know, busted windows, rats running around, a real nasty sewage situation.
But maybe if the right person got a hold of it and cleaned it up...
...maybe they could take that disgusting building and turn it into something not so disgusting.
- Are you that person? - Lucky for you...
...I like a project.
- And am I that disgusting building? - Yeah!
That is the nicest thing that anyone has ever said about me!
A la cart? I guess.
I mean, if you'll a cart, too.
[Chuckles]
Oh, come on. Give me something.
Oh, I don't like this.
I can take a hint. If you'll excuse me.
What is happening? She kisses me, then ignores me?
I mean, a retirement community for cows? That was funny!
All right, pull yourself together. Date's not over.
We haven't even ordered yet. Wait till dessert.
I've got great dessert material.
Chocolate moose? They'll dip anything in chocolate these days.
Ohh.
The point is date's not over.
[Laughter]
[Laughing, snorting]
[Continue snorting]
Ha! You sound like a pig!
[Both laugh]
[Snort]
[Laugh]
Ahem. Good evening. My name's Kathlarg. I'll be your server.
Lola! I didn't know you worked here.
Yep. Worked here my whole life, since the day I was born.
- Can I get you anything? - Uh, someone already took our order.
[Whistles] Wow.
- [Upbeat music playing] - Ooh, that's my jam.
- Wanna dance? - Hook it up!
[Thud]
So, Lola, uh...
You know I invented the carrot peeler.
Too braggy. Seen any good movies lately?
Ugh, too boring. You have beautiful ears.
Perfect.
LOLA: * Ooh, yeah, yeah, ooh *
♪ Who's that girl with the red dress on? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? She's a crazy one ♪
♪ Not all girls are what they seem ♪
♪ And there can only be one girl of his dreams ♪
♪ Who's that girl with the made up name? ♪
♪ I said, who's that girl with the made up name? ♪
♪ I said, lose that girl with the made up name ♪
♪ And get with the girl who cared enough about you to break into your bedroom ♪
- What are you doing? - I'm trying to win my boyfriend back.
♪ I said, lose that girl... ♪
What boyfriend?
Daffy.
Daffy's not your boyfriend! I'm your boyfriend!
- Say that again? - Mm-mm.
That's OK. I have it right here.
BUGS [OVER VOICE RECORDER]: "I'm your boyfriend."
Oh, boy.
[Voice recorder rewind]
BUGS [OVER VOICE RECORDER]: "I'm your boyfriend,"
[Voice recorder rewind]
BUGS [OVER VOICE RECORDER]: "I'm your boyfriend."
- Bugs, what are you doing here? - We're on a date.
He's my boyfriend. I'm his girlfriend. * We're boyfriend-girlfriend. *
I thought you were our waitress.
[Whistles] Wow.
She's a keeper. You know what we should do some time?
Double date! How about tomorrow night? You guys like Thai?
DAFFY: Yeah, I love it!
[All talking at once]
DAFFY: Whoo!
What just happened?
Beep beep!
[Dramatic music playing]
ROAD RUNNER: Beep beep!
Beep beep! [Whoosh]
Beep beep!
[Spits]
Beep beep!
[Tina & Daffy laughing]
At the best date I've ever had with a wizard.
There's something I should tell you. I'm not really a wizard.
[Laughter]
PORKY: Finally!
I was worried you weren't gonna show up.
- What are you talking about? - I thought we had a dinner tonight.
Ohh. I think I might eaten your dinner, Porky.
How do you know my name?
I don't. That was more an observation.
Are those for me?!
[Limo music playing] [Laughter]
[Distant laughter]
I gotta get a girlfriend.
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com.
A WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606